14 “Feedback”: The Dreaded F Word

Feedback is a part of life. I started my first “real” job (by which I mean the first full-time job in the field in which I wanted to build my career) just after graduating with my master’s degree. I became the coordinator for a peer mentoring program, and I was terrified. My predecessor left months prior, and my supervisor started only slightly before me. I had three months to revise and prepare a program based on a disorganized collection of old files. I didn’t think I could ask for help because I was worried my colleagues would see me as unqualified. My concern both about my ability and that I would be judged negatively for leaning on my team was unfounded. However, I should have worried more about my lack of experience supervising student staff and graduate students.

At the end of the first semester, I asked my team to complete an anonymous survey about the program and my leadership. The responses were…not great. Apparently, I was unapproachable, inflexible, and unwilling to accept suggestions. I reflected on various concerns that had come up during the semester. In those situations I had been focused on problem solving, which meant being direct, practical, and efficient. My nonverbal communication cues in this process and how they might impact people was not on my mind. I took a few days to process the feedback, then I swallowed my pride and met with my supervisor. He helped me reframe what felt like an earth-shattering disaster as an opportunity to grow, to address the concerns presented, and to communicate to the team that their responses had been heard.

I remained in that job position for almost six years. Every year I would speak to my peers or supervisor about the most recent internal team evaluations and make changes based on those conversations. Feedback drastically improved the program as well as my professional and personal interactions.

The five most important things this experience taught me are:

1. You can’t improve if you think you’re perfect.
   Like in my college classes when the quality of work that earned an “A” in an introductory class did not get as high grades in my upper-division courses, every semester I found I needed to change something. The same holds true in a work environment. A program that has worked well the last several years may not be meeting the needs of a new generation. Once, student feedback caused the whole program’s curriculum to be revised. We had great retention rates and the students’ GPAs showed positive impact correlated with participation, but the students found the program burdensome, boring, and irrelevant. The only way to know we weren’t having the positive interactions the quantitative data implied was by asking for feedback.
2. Feedback is about growing.
   Before any meeting, I tend to be nervous. My constant, nagging worry is that I have made a heinous mistake and my staff are about to tell me how terrible I am. When I shared this fear with a friend and fellow supervisor of student staff, she referred me to the book Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott. A key concept from Radical Candor that I often lean on is that someone sharing their thoughts and observations clearly and directly usually wants to help the person improve.
3. Hiding from a problem makes it worse.
   My stomach dropped when I read the survey results from my team that first semester, and I immediately considered pretending the whole survey had crashed so I could avoid facing my own shortcomings. However, doing so would have proven exactly what had been said — that I wasn’t open to improving. No one likes to talk about what they need to change. However, by sitting down with my boss, my team, and even a few individual staff members who came to me, I was able  to move in a positive direction. Running away would simply have compounded the issues until they became insurmountable.
4. Perspective is powerful.
   Almost everyone responds to negative feedback with a justification for their approach. When I first received the results from that anonymous survey, I instinctively reviewed all the problems I had solved and how I had done what was needed. I was right — I had solved the problems. However, the criticisms were also valid. Priorities and expectations will vary from person to person and field to field. Understanding the context in which your work and behavior was or is going to be evaluated is key. For example, if you’re writing an essay on Jurassic Park for a philosophy class, your instructor might tell you to focus on the ethics of genetic engineering, whereas a biology instructor might ask you to evaluate the scientific plausibility. It has taken me years to learn that it’s usually most helpful to listen in order to understand the other person’s viewpoint so you can find the best solution.
5. Feedback should be an ongoing conversation.
   When used correctly, feedback is taken and used to help make positive change. Notes on draft two of a paper, the next step in a research project, or an annual review can and should refer to the prior evaluations. For me, the satisfaction of seeing positive responses to changes far exceeds simply doing well. In addition, your work cannot remain stagnant if you are constantly seeking and responding to feedback.

The evening I sat alone in my office crying over the survey results ranks in my top 10 worst days of my life. That day was also a turning point in so much of how I communicate with and respond to those around me now. Over the years I have learned to see giving and receiving feedback as an expression of kindness, support, and in some situations, love.

P.S. All of the narratives in this course reader involved the author receiving feedback and making multiple rounds of edits — and the final product is better as a result.

About the author

name: Samantha Morrow

Sam has focused her education and hobbies primarily in the humanities, but somehow finds that her closest friends (including her spouse) are all more inclined towards the sciences. Sam loves to learn about anything and everything: She earned a bachelor’s degree in English literature while being a member of the Astronomy Club; she serves as an academic advisor while learning the physics behind baseball pitching and disc golf; she even has a medieval recreation hobby that includes making costumes and practicing combat. Sam loves to see people get excited and share their passions, no matter what they are. Sam believes all knowledge is worth having — and you never know when you may find a way to apply it unexpectedly.