2 Embracing Fear Through Reflection

Like many first-year college students, I felt very eager to fly away from the nest — but I also felt lost. I had spent the first 18 years of my life in one set of surroundings, rarely popping my head out of the bubble of my friends, family, and community in St. Louis, Missouri. Well-kept suburban streets lined with lush green trees were all I ever knew. This made the decision to drop everything and start fresh, alone, at the cactus- and creosote-lined UA campus all the more difficult. I had never made such a drastic change before and now I was facing the prospect of moving across the country and figuring out college life all by myself. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.

Those feelings of uncertainty and doubt were scary at first. One way that I worked out those feelings was by spitting it all out onto paper. I didn’t even find it necessary to consistently maintain a thoroughly written journal — rather, I made quick “bullet journals,” expressing thoughts and feelings whenever they came to me. These written entries ranged from more organized forms such as a “Pros vs. Cons” list, to haphazard chains of a few words expressing some thoughts I felt were pertinent at the time. Sometimes this was as simple as typing a few words into the Notes app on my phone. Through this process I was able to reflect more effectively, and I came to acknowledge those seemingly negative feelings as an indicator of growth.

The other useful reflective method that I employed was voicing all of my struggles, fears, excitements, and little victories to my friends and family. I never thought it could be as helpful as it was, but looking back, I notice it not only helped me come to terms with my own feelings, failures, and accomplishments, but allowed for others to take part in my reflective process, too.

In the fall of 2018, my first semester of college, I was offered the unique opportunity to meet Noam Chomsky, a prominent linguist and idol of mine who taught a Gen Ed course I took at UA. Chomsky instructed an Honors session following the main lecture. Because I took a risk on joining the Honors program and enrolling in a course of which I had no prior knowledge or interest, I was able to join an intimate group of only a dozen other students to discuss fascinating questions of language and psychology with one of the world’s greatest minds in the field. It is only through reflection, including my continuous process of bullet journaling, that I could acknowledge that it was my attitude of seeking unfamiliar situations that led to such fulfilling experiences.

Later on that semester, I was introduced to the Peace Corps Prep Program, a crucial step in my professional development as I prepared for international service post-graduation. At the time, I lacked confidence and felt intimidated by the prospect of having to build relationships with new people with whom I was unsure I could identify. Yet again, when looking back on that time, it is only through reflection that I came to this realization: not only was the program well worth the effort and discomfort, but even if I had failed, I would have gained experience and the knowledge that it was not for me.

Shortly before the start of my junior year, in the fall of 2020, in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, I found myself at a crossroads yet again. I was facing the decision to drop everything, again, to jump head-first into Seoul, South Korea to live, study, and work abroad for five months. The courage to commit to this decision came from my making difficult choices in the past, such as moving across the country for college. Because I had taken the time to contemplate how I felt in those earlier circumstances, I was able to work through my apprehensions and travel to South Korea where I was rewarded with new friends, experiences, and opportunities.

Not only was it vital to take these risks, it was also necessary to recognize, through my own personal writings and conversations with others, what they meant. Without them, I never would have redefined my relationship with fear. Once I drew the connection — through reflecting — between embracing fear and positive outcomes in my life, I was then able to apply that lesson to future decisions that seemed initially frightening, yielding even further positive outcomes. Through the process of repeatedly forcing myself into uncomfortable situations, I have adopted the mindset of making life-changing decisions primarily with the result of growth in mind, whether that be personal, academic, professional, or financial. Whenever I think, this looks like a great opportunity! my instincts simultaneously respond, wait…I don’t know if I’m ready yet — and that’s a good thing! The liberating — yet sometimes scary — truth is that no one who has ever grown in a meaningful way was truly “ready” for it. The morning I left to study abroad alone in South Korea, my mind was swarmed with thoughts second-guessing myself. I was so anxious I nearly vomited just as I was leaving for the airport. However, if I had no anxiety whatsoever, would I have gained as much from the experience? The unknown is what makes it an adventure. It would be quite boring otherwise!

When considering your own self-reflection process, it may be helpful to ask yourself questions such as these — and even quickly jot them down — or discuss them with friends and family: When did I feel fear, accept it, and continue anyway? How did that decision positively benefit me as a person, scholar, and professional? Most importantly, how can these reflections influence my current mindset on how I will approach growth in the face of fear to meet my personal, academic and professional goals?

About the author

name: Lucas Hoeferkamp

Luke is a senior undergraduate student majoring in Psychology and minoring in Spanish. He was born and raised in Saint Louis, Missouri, and even though he began his studies alone at UA as a freshman, he was able to connect with several organizations on campus, including Psi Chi, the International Honor Society in Psychology, the Peace Corps Prep Program, Theta Xi Fraternity, and Study Abroad Peer Advising. He discovered a passion for travel and intercultural competence after his first trip abroad and has traveled extensively, including a semester abroad in the vibrant city of Seoul, South Korea in his junior year of college.